~*th3 suNlIght & Mo0nlighT 0f mY Lif3*~

 

 sorry(to the bethany homers)that im reli late at posting all this here b4 the amnesia starts to kick in my brain..

im sure all of you shud know what a bethany home is..lol!

if you don,t

well,its the home of the disabled.

that thing didnt really get to me until i reached the place itself….

while sitting in the bus with beautiful nisha,

i wasnt really thinking at all

(being my blur self as usual)

..

maybe,the only thing i might be thinking(or rmb thinking at tht moment)

is

” goodness me,what kind of music are they playing in here??it just repeats and repeats endlessly…my eardrums are gonna age a hundred times by the time i step out of this bus…”

or

“when am i gonna touch this nasi lemak??(we were given a packet each..cool!=p)..i don’t feel hungry at all..and i certainly can’t eat in a bumpy bus going boing,boing,boing…the rice and food will be flying everywhere(for someone as unskilful at eating like me,eating in this kind of condition should be avoided by all means),,,plus!i think i should save it for lunch…

wait a second,,no no no…everyone will be eating at MCd and KFC!

its been ages(or feels like ages)since i had a bite of those!!feeling hungry already..i know sitiawan has the greatest privilege(lol)of having KFC AND MCD!!but then,i still wanna eat it whenever i had the chance…

but then..sigh…we shall not waste food!!!its sinful!okay,,,looks like im having nasi lemak for lunch!

…maybe tht was what i was thinking about the whole time..lol.

it took us about an hour to get there..

the first thing i noticed is

GREEENNNEERRRYYY EVERYYYWHERRREEE….

(mouth hanging wide open…)

im amazed!!!wish sitiawan(the whole of it,,,every millimeter of sitiawan) to be this greennnn…

walk walk walked in our respective groups towards bethany home…

it was a sunny bright or bright sunny(=p) morning ppl!

took photos before entering…

they were having assembly..it wasnt a monday btw..its a friday!!!20th feb btw..the precious day of our very own mahatma gandhi—->praveen kumar!

then,we moved on to the assembly hall..

that’s where reality woke me up..

YOU ARE AT A DISABLED HOME GIRL!!WAKE UP WAKE UP!!

i was really amused..

they were so well-behaved!

except for one boy who is having epilepsy who cant stop jumping and laughing and singing(sweetly out of tune =)  ) negaraku…imagine all the malaysians doing tht while singing the national anthem…=D.such spirit of patriotism..haha!

they seem really normal..=)

they are normal like us..

its just that they have their own special qualities which we don’t possess..

and definitely,they are no weaker or less fortunate than we are..as we are all equal..

as they adjourned to their classes,we took our places in the hall..

sitting in the first row,by the side,i saw the head authority of the home..i cant remeber his name,thanks to my forgetful brain..lol.

he gave the most moving speech of all..

starting with the question,

WHY ARE YOU HERE TODAY?

good question,,i havent thought about that..maybe i have,weeks ago..and now..

but obviously,i know that i’m here to carry out this civic project and at the same time,know how life is like for the disabled..

WARNING : SHOULD ANY OF YOU FALL ASLEEP AS YOU CONTINUE SCROLLING DOWN THE PAGE OF THIS BLOOOGGGIIE OF MINE,PLEASE KNOW THAT I HAVE ALREADY WARNED YOU EARLIER..LOL!

 

 

btw,i cant remember everything but i’ll try my best..

=p

 

 

1.disabled people are obviously,people who are disabled physically and maybe,mentally too..but,they are definitely,not inferior to us..they are more outstanding than us.

we were really surprised by the fact that :

i)the children of bethany home have climbed to the peak of mount kinabalu before…no help en route whatsoever..

whereas,im afraid to go hiking.i do like hiking..but im intimidated by it.and i seriously go on panic stage if its a blustery and slipeerryy-ground-day for us to hike.lol!!

ii)they have even climbed gunung ledang(the most difficult mountain to climb in malaysia)!!!

too amazed for words..lol.

iii)i can’t remember this..but a disabled child from bethany home won a competition(cant rmb what it is) at a rather high level!!

*round of applause!!!!!*

and i remembered another story that we should be ashamed about..

the head told us a story about what really happened to him when he paid a visit to a home which has a disabled child.he went into the house..and the first thing that caught his eye,

A CAGE..

you could barely move in that cage…a cage in the middle of the house..what monstrosity..unless of course,its a dog or  cat cage???but tht would be weird..haha!

im sure you should know what or rather,who they put in that cage..

their disabled child..

you might think that the parents are really cruel people..(they might be,who knows?),or they are out of their mind..

mr. sth gave us another situation…

one fine day,on a sunday evening,a cute,handsome,innocent,unique,disabled mentally boy stood in front of a fruit stall…

the seller was a kind woman…

the boy went straight up to the stall eyeing the juicy apppleee…

he smiled(crazily) at the lady..hoping that she will give him the apple as he had no money..

and so,the lady did,knowing that this boy is a “special” one..

the boy was awfully happy and ran home to his house with that apple he’d been craving for..

 

automatically,

as sure as time waits for no one,,(hehehe..my own idiom..lol)

the boy was standing there again,

same time,same place,same stall,the next sunday evening..

only this time,

it wasn’t the kind lady selling fruits…(nope,its not the wrong stall he went to..doesnt matter anyway..lol)

it was her sister or aunt or mother’in’law or moyang,or whatever you want..

and she’s a pretty nasty person…or kedekut..ahahaha!

being mentally disabled and really innocent,and scarcely aware of the difference in the situation he’s facing now and last week,

he did the same thing he had done the previous week..

he walked towards the stall without thinking and feeling anything,not even fear,for his own sake..all that was on his mind is that,i wanna get that apple!!

he did the same innocent thing..and well,

and of course,

the lady thought him to be rather funny and weird,and avoided him..

the boy was wondering,

i came here last week at this hour,same day,its the same store,im smiling the same smile,why isnt this lady giving me my apple??

he waited and like every normal human being,he lost his patience..

and GRABBED HIS OWN RED APPLE AND WALKED OFF..

the furious lady got so mad that she chased him all the way home with a bamboo stick..lol.

a commotion started soon after that happened ,in front of the boy’s home..

the lady really beaten him up before his legs could save him from her and carry him to his home..

the lady was shouting nearby the house and insulting him etc etc etc…

the mother saw the whole situation..

what do you think she feels….??

angry is definitely not the word..

embarassed and humiliated and sympathy for her own son..

since after that incident occured,

the woman locked the boy in that cage to prevent him from running to fruit stalls etc etc…for the sake of his own good,and hers,and also for the cruel society out there who consider this boy as a troublesome being..

obviously,we are the ones who are at fault in this situation..its not the mother’s.

 

we have put that boy in the cage..sobs….

its a sad matter..

we shouldn’t treat this disable beings with:

1.obviously,negative behaviour..im positive that you should know what it is la..lol.

2.sympathy…hard to believe eh?they don’t need ur sympathy..thats the last thing they want…try putting urself in their situation..do you think they want your sympathy?

conclusion:we shall just treat the disabled like how we treat everybody else or like how we treat ourselves.

they are also like us..just the with the extra uniqueness in them.=)

luckily,there is a place like bethany home to support them…=)

it was a nice visit surprisingly,

thanks to the civic project..otherwise,i don’t think any of us would have set our foot in there..

it feels like only yesterday,it was the last day of 2007…

last day of 2008…

 

as a homosapien,

im not one to look forward to new years or anything new..lol.

seemed like yesterday,i was not looking forward to moving on to 2008..

wanted to stay bk in 2007 and kiss goodbye to others who’d be going to 2008..

but now,i wished i could stay bk in 2008 and not move on to 2009…lol!

looking bk,(i always do tht..could be a good thing,could be bad as well…)

2008 was a year way different from the others..

its the most interesting yr..

i wouldnt call it an enjoyable yr..with so many things tht are new to me..don play play!

what with all the diff ppl i mixed with in my class,filled with strangers* and no familiar faces and not much good frens in it…

*(funny to say,after spending a year with my stranger classmates whom ive nvr seen or talked to b4,i’ve finally warmed up to them..hahaha!it doesnt seem so bad to be in the same class again with them next yr..but oh,well..once again,some will be leaving our class and some will be entering..haha)

also,the new subjects tht the seniors frighten the juniors with..haha!

addmaths,not so bad as expected..

physics,chemistry,bio,still a killer..but not like what my seniors said,”impossible to get better than C”.(to me,to get an A is possible..but hard..lol!)

 

sejarah…:”many khalifahs and u’ll die faster after reading it..”(found out there’s just 4,i think..lol!and yeah,i think i’ll rather have amnesia case than die faster..its all exaggeration,buddy!lol.)

 

moral..bm…no objectives..lets cry together…what my seniors told me is true..haha!

est(eng,science,tech)..the worse is still yet to come…hahaha!

modern maths…easy?i dont think so..not a maths genius,im afraid..lol.

ok..forget subjects..

my new post as prefect worried me to no end…lol!

but,surprisingly,i warmed up to it easily too!

although,now,i m not reli sure how to do my duties already…hahahaha!

 

come to think of it on the last day of the old yr 2008,

i didnt have to worry about anything!!!

the worry just takes up ur energy and it does u no good at all!

i was wrong to feel so afraid and weak(althogh,yeah,its human weakness..)

the reason is

God will always be there for us…even when we forget that He’s there to back us up no matter what..=)

im sure this yr,God has led me and helped me all the while…

so with the same reason,

i should also look forward to the coming yr..(which is tomorrow,sigh..lol!)

and face everything with open arms,,

its not by our strength,wisdom,power,abilities,etc,tht we can go on with our lives and reach success etc..

but by the will and power of The Almighty,you can face anything without fear…

for with Him,nothing is impossible..=)

without Him,we are nothing by ourselves..

so this gives me hope to not worry bout the coming yr with all its challenges..

1.i dont have to say it ppl!or do i?SPM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lets knock our heads together on the wall..loL!

2.diploma exam results are coming out soon…(I DONT WANA KNOW THE RESULTS!!!!HELP!)

3.driving test..i mean..undang..whatever that might be..although,most ppl say its easy…but im not one to take everything so lightly…lol!

4.form 5 and 4 syllabus to finish in the new yr…hope i’ll have the time for all tht!as i havent touched my books at all during the hols…sobs!i guess im the only one who’s been brave and foolish enough to do tht…haha!

5.not looking forward to the horrid sukan tara…lol!with all its horrid latihans of course..lets hide in the toilet ppl!!!!hahahaha!

6.whatever challenges tht may happen and i happen to forgot what tht might be.

 

as i’m not gonna be the only one facing it alone..phew!=)

2009!here i come!are u ready?=)

who cares bout those shameless,thick-faced boys???

they are not worth my energy to despise them…so i let them be and there goes the saying

patience is a virtue.
so lets seee…

yeah,

eventually,it came to our turn…the queue must be the longest queue in the entire theme park..cz

its the main attraction..known worldwide..i think..its a must ride and it even tops the corkscrew..i heard..lol!

we didnt reli feel the adrenaline inside us until we reaced the gate…

b4 tht,

we saw the space shot thingt coming down at full speed n the funny thing tht happened was

pieces of white coloured paper,i mean like,many many pieces of tht thing,was flying out from the space shot..and came down like feathers..

or confetti..from such a great height..

we all thought what on earth was tht..

turns out,someone dropped or didnt keep their money properly..

so it was like,

raining money..lol!

i wondered if there was anyone who was as evil as to go and pick up the cash and use it for themselves..

i hope for the poor guy tht his money will be returned to him after the ride..

it seems tht he kept the money in his breast pocket..

of all places to put..sigh..poor guy..

anyway,just when it came to our turn,

nisha asked us if we had any second thoughts..

oh boy,we did wana turn around and run away..lo!Lbut then,after waiting for so long,

of cz we did go..

the thingy was in threes..

on the north,south,east and west..all threes for each,..so altogether,12 ppl at one go..

i sat with nisha and another stranger..

i was at the right side and nisha in the middle..lol!

i couldnt think of anythin at tht time.

so as it went up and up and up,

nisha and i freaked each other out..lol!

we did it until the woman sitting beside nisha,laughed…sigh..yeah,she must be thinking tht we’re crazy..

i was thinking,when is this going to stop going up and up..

we’re sooooooooooooo high up!

i could see the whole of genting theme park..i could see the spinners,etc etc..nice!

and then it halted so suddenly on the top,only nisha and me screamed..

are the others crazy or wad???

i didnt dare to look down..

nisha was apparently still freaking ourselves out..lol!

i came bk to my senses and asked nisha

wei!!! how many seconds already???! u got count a not???!!

she said

i dono!! i forgot to count!! die die die!!

i found myself saying the same thing after tht..

i could feel the woman on the left smiling to herself..is she crazy??!

we’re gonna be under the influence of nth other than the pull of grabvity!!!and she can stil smile there??!

any minute now,this thing will just land as if this machine isnt controlling it..

and ppl with hair pieces or wigs,well,u know what’ll happen..

just as i was filled with panic,

we dropped!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i felt like i was committing suicide!!!

my butt left the seat,although my hands were tightly holding the bottom of the seat.!!!!

i was flying!!

i felt like i was gonna fly off my seat!!!nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

and the view and everything was a blur as we went down down down..

at such a great speed..this is worse than cyclonez or corkscrew..tht is definite.

and my heart also felt like dropping out of my body..

so this is what ppl with heart attack must feel like eveerytime they got the attack..

its not a nice feeling..

b4 we could stop for awhile,

we went bk up at such a great speed..

and i find myself looking downwards…

found it hard to get my head bk up..

its not tht bad after all to look down..lol!

and we went down again for the 2nd time..nice..not so fast.not so slow..just nice..haha!

after tht first drop,everything else seemed okay..haha!

when we came down,

nisha,jen and i wanted to defnitely go on the ride again..thts for sure..

wonder why sze doesnt wana go ever again..lol!

we had to head bk to the hotel after tht cz we had to meet up at the lobby to collect our things from the “dono wat u call tht place..the place wheree we all dumped our bags at and its all bundled up with a fishing net and tied together and its well taken care of place” at 3.00 pm..

sze,jen n nisha wanted to go to snow world..

but there wasnt any time left..

the wait for the space shot ride was toooooo long..more than an hour..

nisha went to collect her picture at the cyclonez booth while i went to the corkscrew to get mine..

we all met up and thought of going for a last ride

at the rolling thunder train..(which is also quite scary and its in a cave..sounds nice!!)

unfortunately,when we got there,it was closed for the time being..siao..lol.

so we left the theme park exit and went straight to the shopping places..

we went to find places to go bungkus our food and eat on the way bk..

nisha separated to go somewhere..

we all knew whre it is..lol!

i ended up going to kfc..my fave restaurant!lol!

saw the others,jia,shu wei,ka yin,melissa there..

apparently,they have been eating there and sitting there talking all the while when we went to wait for the space shot ride..

the others were still busy shopping…

so i got my fave food in no time..

zinger…yummm!!!

and cheesy wedges..how cool is tht?!they give u a generous helping of cheese and mayo!lol..

plus,a drink!im so thirsty at tht time…

the cost was extra,duh!more expensive than usual..

and then,we waited for the others to get their food..and then left for the lobby,where we left our things at.

there was also one thing we needed,

the looooooooooooooooooooooooooo~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we left our food with the gentleman aka organiser of the trip,NAGACHANDRAN!!!give a big round of appluse for him!!!lol!

he must be the best bell boy aka gentleman ever!lol..

he was holding at least 7 plastic bags of drinks and food from kfc..

and he didnt mind!wow..lol

so we walked,or i must say,exercised,(we ran and stop and climbed stairs and down the stairs jus to get to the lavatory..lol!) to the stupid place just to P.U.(pass urine..lol! thks to the famous mr ong..lol)

met up with the others who came bk from their shopping..in the toilet..

after tht,went all the way bk to the lobby to find naga still holding our food and drinks there..

wow!! reli reli reli salute him!lol.

we got our bags..

walked a loooooooooooongggg distance bk to the cable car..

my hands were red..and my arms almost broken by the time we reached the place..

sat in the cable car..with jen,mei ching,su,nisha and zhi…

nice view all the way bk..all mists…lol!cant see anything..we’re in the clouds!!or mist..lol!it was cooling..i stood up and placed my face on the window to get the fressssssshhhhhhhh air..nice!!!

i wondered what will happen if the cable car lost control and we’ll be going all the way down in such a steep angle..

the others shushed me!lol..but it’ll definitely be some exciting ride..lol!!!

eventually,we got to the bus..phew..finally!!!!!

4.30 pm

bk to our homes…

bk to the bengkang bengkok roads..hate it..

every1 covered the windows with curtains..time to sleep..haha!

i looked at my untouched kfc…hungry…..lol!

but its definitely a bad idea to eat on the way down..

so i saved it..

i feell asleeeeeeepppppp..

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……..

5.30 pm

wow..so fast!

i woke up..and we’re at a perhentian..

got down to p.u.

lol.

when i got bk,i started with my kfc meal!!!

everythings a bit soggy,but i dont care!lol..

the tv was on by then with some funny jet li movie..

hard to sleep cz the speakers were reli loud.

6.45pm

at another stop..the bus driver said time for dinner..

no1 had the mood to eat..we just wanted to go home!

7.15 pm

continued our journey and eventually,

we reached!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

our beautiful school,ACS sitiawan!!!!!!!!!!!

soooooooooo happy!!!

9.45pm

i looked into the mirror as i brushed my teeth,

who’s this tomato??

my face was all red,like i’ve been drinkign a lot.lol!

and my lips was marooon!!!!!!

yeah!

i didnt do anything to my face,and it looked like its been make up..

when i almost fell asleep.

the only thing i can think of is,

i want to go bk to genting..im already starting to miss is sooooooo much!!!

so hot la now…i miss the coolness of genting..

i must go bk there somehow…after this…if the future permits me to do so..=)

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….

14th November 2008,a bright and sunny friday afternoon…

hearbeat racing..as usual.

this is not the first time..

it may be my last..lol.

so i stepped into the nice and grand looking hotel,SYUEN HOTEL.

actually,i stepped into the lift first..

it looked very nice!lol..love the neon lights,erm,the orangy lights.

lol..

reached the ground floor..

saw the big lobby..walked around..

saw this sign,saying

TRINITY DIPLOMA EXAMINATIONS

       (6th Floor,ROOM 654)

2nd - 15th NOVEMBER 2008..

TIME : 9.00-5.00 p.m

Ooh!!its the 14th!!my exam is on the 2nd last day..and the time for me to go in is 2 and a half hours b4 the the examiner calls it a day..!!ooohh!!lol.

So i headed for the 6th floor…

reached it,walked out of the lift,

saw a row of chairs in front of me and the registration thingy was right in front of me..

2 women asked me to check my name..if the spelling was right..

i was there at 2.00 pm..

in the list,my nme was the last..

i could hear my acquaintance,ching ching,whos sitting for a higher diploma to be a licentiate!!!!

she was playing in the room!!!

her playing is good!!!lol..

waiting nervously for my turn…2.30pm..im gonna enter tht room..

feelign so nervous,i walked up and down the hallway..

constantly checked my appearance in the mirror..

got my programme notes,photostated copy of my exam pieces and my music scores prepared..

gosh..

time passed..

2.30pm

she’s still not out yet!!

im gonna die out here!

eventually,a few mins later,she came out,

handed me the mozart book tht i have to use during the exam..gosh!

one of the 2 women who sat at the registration counter led me to the room who was right at the end,on the left..

we waited outside the door,waiting for the examiner to gimme a signal or sth to let me enter..

i could say tht i was waiting for at least 5mins,the longest wait ever outside the door..

b4 this,the longest was 2 mins b4 i had to enter..

this is worse..what on earth was the examiner doing in there???

at last,he came to the door and greeted me…i entered..shocked by wat i saw,

lol.

he was tall,quite fat,bald,with hair on the sides of his head,and reli reli blue eyes..no specs..not reli friendly looking..can see he’s serious bt this thing.

i tried to be friendly,smiled..handed his the p.n and the music score..

sat on the kawai piano seat..

he was sitting on my right,

less than 1m away from me..this is scary..

the room was white..

neon lights were on..i mean,table lamp with the orangy lights..

im so nervous..

i tried the piano,(which now i wished i had tried it longer b4 starting..)

and then,i started..

mozart..

the first thing i realised is the sound was very loud!!!!i wasnt even putting any big force on the keys..and its already so loud!

when i tried to play soft,

no sound came out..this happend many infinity times..

and i cant even play the trills!@!

its not a prob at all for me to play trills but i cant seem to play it on the pianO!!i wannnnaaaa bang the piano!!!!

the pedal was soooooooooooooooo sensitive!

i HATE this piano!!!!

it is so sticky and its possible tht they have not tuned it for at least 2 or 3 yrs..

this is not su[ppose to happen.im sitting for a big exam and they supply this kind of piano!!!

even my old and antique piano is soooooooooo muchhhhhh better than this piano!!!

i lost my mood to play but fought reli hard to concentrate..

many mistakes…(mistakes tht never ever occured b4 this..and only now,its happenning…how worse can it get??this is the worst!!!!)

i ended up playing reli loud…better than not producing any sound..

but of cz,due to habit,

no sound came out..sobs..sigh..

when i ended my best piece,also the last piece,

debussy - bruyeres..

(which turned out worse than ever..sobs…)

i was not relieved at all,not relieved tht its over.,.in fact,i wanted a new or diff,tuned piano to play on..this is the worst piano i ever played on.and im no pro..and i cant adapt soooooooo easily to this horrid piano…its almost like our acs old piano..its as bad as tht..at least the acs old piano is reli old..this is like 100x newer..and its not in a good shape..

i feel tht its reli reli unfair..unfair to all the candidates who sat for this exam..

so i got up from the chair,

asked the examiner’s autograph half-heartedly b4 leaving..(its a habit for me to  do tht..lol)

he walked me to the door,said bye continuously to him etc..left the room..feeling more disappointed than ever,,

knowing i can play much much better than how i just did,

but becz of tht instrument tht was supplied,it turned out to be the opposite and worse by infinity times.

and later in the day when i met up with my tutor,

he told me tht my fren also complained abt it..

at least,im not the only one who thought the piano was lousy..

i only hope for a pass this time..lol!

a pass will be good enough!!!

waiting for a miracle again….a pass..